That settles it, folks. I am now a "mature" male, and I see our society free-falling into a pedestrian netherworld of despair.
I know this because I saw American Idol last week and watched the youngest group of singers ever disappoint me, not by their lack of talent, but with utter ignorance to the classics of our past.
Last week's task was to sing the music of The Beatles. Until now, I would have imagined that to be the easiest request for any singer.
Imagine a busker on a street corner says, "What would you like to hear?"
You say, "Hey, do you know any Arcade Fire? No? How about Florence and the Machine?...No?... Alright just play a Beatles song."
It's a given. If you've ever had a piano, guitar, bass, or even oboe lesson, you have learned a Beatles song. If you've ever watched TV, movies, cartoons, or if you've been mentally incapacitated as a result of drug or alcohol abuse, and can now only watch Jersey Shore...you have heard a Beatles song.
If you have ever stood outdoors for any reason, without headphones blocking out that white noise we call "the world", YOU HAVE HEARD THE BEATLES!
Do I sound old?
The day The Beatles broke up, I was being circumcised. No, I wasn't being kinky, I was an infant! (but still I resented Yoko) The point is that The Beatles were not from my time either, but I knew who they were. Do you know why? Because they're the @#$%^& Beatles!
I remember being backstage once with an aspiring artist while we were performing (comedy not music) at The Second City. We were both fooling around with our guitars when I heard something familiar and asked what he was playing. He said, "It's my own. I don't play other people's music."
I said, "What? Like...never?". He replied, "Never".
And just then the cuckoo struck twelve...
Every great musician has played the music of other artists before, during, and after their artistic peaks. Even if you told yourself, as this fellow had, that you wouldn't play the music of others, you would almost inevitably be influenced by something you heard until that point.
And do you know whose music would inevitably pop up?
The @$%^&*^% Beatles!
As far as I am concerned, if you are an aspiring musician, and you don't know one Beatles song, you already suck. You don't have to like their music, but if you don't know any, you just haven't been doing your homework.
Consequently, some of the song choices on last week's show were disappointing. Sure, it's fun to watch 2 cute 20 year old girls sing Can't Buy Me Love, or 3 smiling teens sing what appears to be a Sesame street-inspired version of Hello, Goodbye, but most of the very best Beatles songs were missed entirely.
I take my hat off to Tim Halperin and Julie Zorrilla for singing Something, and Paul McDonald and Kendra Chantelle for a nice rendition of Blackbird, but nobody touched Jacob Lusk, Haley Reinhart, and Naima Adedapo who sang The Long and Winding Road. This song has been a favourite of mine since I heard George Benson cover it, but these 3 just knocked me out. That's 3 of your future top 5 right there, if no one kills Jacob, the drama queen, first.
Either way, if any of you ever have to sing a Beatles song, here are some you might want to try:
While My Guitar Gently Weeps: Google Martin Luther McCoy's version and set your ears on fire.
Nowhere Man: Just a groovy tune with some fun harmonies. The boys were just starting to get high together when they wrote this.
Because: If you have a group of 3 or 4, you can create amazing layers with this outstanding melody. Check out the 90s version sung by the Nylons.Come Together: This song is so deep that nobody knew what the heck it meant, including the Beatles, but one thing's for sure, Stevie Tyler must have liked it. He covered it with Aerosmith and hardly changed a note.
Happiness is a Warm Gun: Probably not a family friendly theme, but tremendous karaoke potential.
Revolution: A terrific song about peaceful protestation of the previous generation's ignorant oppressors and suppressors of new ideas. Or just a groovy tune, man.A Day in the Life: An odd masterpiece alluding to the fact that their recreational drugs had qualitatively improved by this point.
In My Life: Just a great nostalgia inducer and tear-jerker. Check out Jose Feliciano's unplugged rendition.
Across The Universe: Some of my favourite lyrics of all time, and the title of a very good film using their music.
Strawberry Fields: They were all just ridiculously high at this point, eating Fritos and staring at their own fingers, but splendid imagery and an infectious melody make this a superb choice for listening or singing anytime.
Of course, I can name another hundred, but I leave that to my readers.
For now, get ready to see some very interesting competition during the rest of this season of American Idol.
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