Idol Judgement

"America! America! God shed His grace on thee, And crown thy good with brotherhood, From sea to shining sea."

Oh America. You wonderful country. You're just like Canada...only messier. And for as many morbidly obese, and unattractive citizens as you have, in sheer numbers alone, you are also home to some of the most talented and sexy people in the world. But this time America, you let me down.

For those of you who are unaware, a wrongdoing of epic proportion occurred Thursday night on American Idol.

72 million votes were cast by a large number of people who may never have even voted in their country’s own election, and they managed to eliminate the one guy I looked forward to seeing and hearing every week; James Durbin.

Oh, say, can you see by the dawn's early light?

As a result of last night's occurence, your children may grow up singing “Baby lock them doors and turn the lights down low…”.

Is that what you want?

You know what? I apologize. I was just about to pick on Scotty McCreepy, and the fact that everything he sings makes me want to listen to King of the Road by Roger Miller (a highly addictive song, by the way). That wouldn't be fair. I would only be doing it out misplaced anger.

It would be wrong to suggest that there might be a disproportionate amount of “good ole boys” whose only goal after a day at the coal mine is to kick back with a couple of beers and vote over and over so that Scotty McPeachy becomes the next American Idol.

I would never make fun of someone who did nothing but the very best he could, and I don't expect you to do it either. Scotty McCheesy is a good boy who deserves your respect. It is not his fault that the American Public voted off James Durbin.

The fact is James is gone, and the show has lost its coolness.

A high functioning autistic with Tourette’s, James was the Rain Man of music and performance, and in a good way. He walked with confidence, always knew who he was, no matter what he was singing and…why am I speaking of him in the past tense? He’s not dead.

But you could say he is in a certain kind of hell, because now instead of hooking up with any number of producers who would kill to get him into a studio and unleash his ingenuity , he has to tour with the Top 10 for the whole summer, and I'm pretty sure they're not adding Megadeath to their repertoire anytime soon.

Now, I will have to turn my attention to Haley. Not because she’s kind of sexy in a way that makes a guy my age feel a little ashamed (not me, but some other guys my age), or because she has an awesome voice and sang the best rendition of House of the Rising Sun I’ve ever heard. It’s because despite Lauren Alaina being sweet, and McPeepy making me feel extra ethnic, the only one other than James whose concert I would pay to see, would be Haley’s.

Let me also add that it was extremely uncool of Randy Jackson, at this stage in the competition, to single Haley out the way he did repeatedly within a 3 minute stretch. It was even lamer of him to maintain that it was constructive when it was really just subjective and…What’s the opposite of “constructive”?

After her rendition of Michael Jackson's Earth Song, Haley had to bear (again) some harsh criticism from J-Lo, only to have Randy overstate it needlessly, and this was not keen professional observation. It was nothing more than a skewed view of Haley's song choice. I disagreed, as did Steven Tyler, and Michael would have loved it as well (but then, anyone that sleeps with a monkey doesn't get a vote).

The worst part about Randy's assault was that he was not man enough to admit that he had gone too far, so he simply repeated that he was "just being honest". Then, after publicly subjecting this extraordinary young woman to his harsh judgment, Ryan asks who he thinks won that round. As if he hadn't humiliated her enough, his response was a cold, "It's a tie between Lauren, James and Scotty."

Wow! Can I get a witness?

These kids are past the point in the competition and their development to benefit from this "alleged" wisdom. There comes a point when you can either build confidence, or tear it down, and they certainly were not encouraging Haley any. Oh, and that's the 2nd week in a row.

We must grant her royal props for coming back and accepting Randy's patronizing praise and smiling through it even though she clearly wanted to punch him in the gonads. As would I.

So vote for Haley, because she has been pushed harder, farther, and most unfairly of all, but returned with poise to steal the show.

The others MAY be professionals, but she's the only one that's really had to prove it. Enjoy the finale everyone.

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